To The One I Really Cared...

People declare that it is Love, but for me; it was nothing. They make a fuss about it but I just shook it off, their noises are like dust landing on my clothes (I shake it off). You have been away for long and still I never knew that I lied to myself. I thought I never cared. I thought I lost my innocence; but it was ME whom I could not get rid off.

I admit that I never prayed for you because I always forget. It is partly my fault that I wasn’t doing my job as a Christian. My fault! my fault! Dear God, forgive me. I have learned my lesson; pain struck me like a spear. I never knew, I never knew.

But,why do I care for you? You are undeserving, but I’m going to do my job to please the King.  I just forgot, I’m sorry….

I never knew that it hurts to know the truth. I wanted more sugar to coat the horrible lie but what’s done is done. I ask myself; is it too late?

It's hard to say

I don’t know what to say …

For I am a girl who has difficulty in expressing her feelings in words.

I know that I am high maintenance.

I’m trying my best to obey and to stick to you.

Dear Lord, please send out more challenges that I could face

For I know that I only look up to you when I get hurt

And if that’s what it takes for me to remember you: Let it be.

Dear Lord, You’ve been patient for I sometimes communicate to you,

For I come home, tired. Physically but my spirit yells Pray!

For I am pre-occupied with my material priorities,

Dear God I want you to be my priority!

If I could handle school as a must,

THEN IT IS A SHAME

For I have forgotten you

Dear Lord,

Dear Lord, I want this to work

I want my body and my spirit

To search for you

Yet…

Lord God, for I am a girl and you know me

That I cannot express my feelings in words

Yet I know that my heart speaks for more

Listen to my heart that’s hurt